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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27415540">You Take My Lunch Money? I Take Your Kids.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sora_U/pseuds/Sora_U'>Sora_U</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Owl House (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blight children are ready to yeet themselves out of there, Crack Fic, Eda is done, Gen, Lilith adopts the Blight Kids, Lilith is a dumbass, Pure Crack, idk how to write crack, my first crack fic, no beta we die like men</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:54:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>830</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27415540</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sora_U/pseuds/Sora_U</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“You're really doing this?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“From Odalia of all people?”</p><p>“The bitch stole my lunch money. I have every right to steal from her.”</p><p>“AND YOU TAKE HER KIDS?!”</p><p>Or</p><p>Lilith kidnaps a bunch of kids. They're down.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amity Blight &amp; Edric Blight &amp; Emira Blight, Amity Blight &amp; Lilith Clawthorne, Eda Clawthorne &amp; Lilith Clawthorne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>325</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You Take My Lunch Money? I Take Your Kids.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I had fun writing light hearted stuff from the angst that is my Empress Lilith AU fic.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Edalyn is pretty sure Lilith was out of her mind. First off, they were at Blight Manor, where Alador and Odalia Blight resided. She remembered her school days where Odalia would bully Lilith and in turn, Lilith would hit her in the head with a grudby ball more times than she could count. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Secondly, they were wanted, and Odalia Blight would jump at the chance to turn them in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thirdly, Lilith was stealing something.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Or someone, to put it more clearly. Several someones in fact.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lilith Evelyn Clawthorne, you have officially lost your mind” Lilith frowned at the younger woman.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh come on, you’ve stolen several things before, how is this any different.” she pouted dramatically as she crossed her arms. They were on their staffs, hovering in the air outside the window of Mini Blight’s room. Eda doesn’t know why in Titan’s name she agreed to this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“BECAUSE THIS IS KIDNAPPING.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut your mouth before they hear us!” she scolded in a whisper.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eda looked at her in disbelief. Why did this woman even want to kidnap a bunch of children? Where did she even plan to keep them? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you wanna kidnap a bunch of greenies anyway?” she asked her, deeply annoyed about her situation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lilith shook her head and pointed her finger to the sky. “It’s not kidnapping if it was with consent.” she said matter of factly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let me get this straight-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Edalyn literally no one I’m “kidnapping” or myself is straight-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you make another gay joke I am grounding Luz.” She said sternly, which effectively shut Lilith up. Edalyn took in a deep breath before continuing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where do you plan on keeping them?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I made a house on a mountain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“YOU MADE A HOUSE ON A MOUNTAI-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The window clicked open and 3 green headed witches emerged. Each one carried their own respective bags of necessities. They wore blank yet somewhat excited face expressions. </span>
  <em>
    <span>When I decided to take in a kid I took in one, not a traumatized set. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She muttered to herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You're really doing this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“From Odalia of all people?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The bitch stole my lunch money. I have every right to steal from her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“AND YOU TAKE HER KIDS?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lilith looked quizzically at her. “Was that not an option?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“NOT TO ANYONE WITH BRAIN CELLS.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One of the twins spoke up. “No no. It’s not stealing if you have the object of theft’s consent.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lilith pointed at Edric and smiled. “See? This is why I want to take them. They know whats up” Eda was going to kill Luz for teaching her sister human slang.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lily, listen to me. Wha-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Amity cut Eda off as she tried to reason with the older Clawthorne. “Miss Owl Lady, I say this in the most respectful way possible. Please shut up and let me have the goth nerd mom i always wanted.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wasn’t she the rational one out of the three?!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lilith patted her head at the statement and hugged her close.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are my baby.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No I am not. I am the top student at Hexside. I am one of the strongest witchlings in the Boiling Isles. I have won every duel and my name brings fear into the hearts of many. I-“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And my baby.” She said again. Patting her head affectionately.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Amity sighed. Giving in to the warmth. “And your baby.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eda massaged her temples. “You can be sappy when you go to your mountain home.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eda took Twin number one (Emira) and Lilith took the other two. They rode in silence for the most part, until Edric broke the silence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I get a bat?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The female Blights looked at him in bloody murder. “Edric, I swear to god-“ they said in unison. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>— x —</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alador, where are the children?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alador sat undeterred from his seat as he answered his wife with the blankest expression on his face. “Edalyn and Lilith took them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“THEY WHAT?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alador shrugged as he went back to signing his paperwork. “In all honesty you should have seen this coming.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Odalia wanted to tear her hair out of her head. “SINCE WHEN?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alador looked at his wife in confusion, as if it was obvious. “Since you stole Lilith’s lunch money?” he asked. It wasn’t really a question, but rather a state of fact. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“SO SHE TOOK MY KIDS? WHY NOT A NECKLACE OR SOMETHING?” Odalia bellowed. First she spends 6 years of her life being hit in the head with a grudby ball (it was a miracle she never got a concussion) and now she kidnaps her children?! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“AND YOU DID NOTHING ABOUT IT?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dear, they are the Clawthorne sisters. The day I see them again is the day I die a long agonizing death.” he said as he suppressed a shudder.  Note to self, send a letter to the kids warning them to <em><strong>never </strong></em>take the last cup of coffee from either of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A very loud and angry scream erupted from Blight Manor.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
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</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Lilith has reached peak dumbass in this.</p><p>If you listen to BTS please follow @cloudmochibean on Instagram for really cool edits! My older sister is very talented. :&gt;</p></blockquote></div></div>
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